How to Write Your Wedding Vows

(Extract from How to Write Your Own Perfect Wedding Vows — One Fab Day)

Some handy tips and prompts to get you started!

So, you've picked out the perfect venue, outfits and partner, and now it's time to pick the perfect words. Writing your own wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it's something you'll be really glad you did.

1. Chat to your partner before you begin — you may want your vows to be a surprise but it's a good idea to chat about them in advance to set expectations and make sure you're on the same page. Your vows don't have to match in tone or format but it's worth discussing what you want, and whether they will include promises to each other, or be more relaxed and conversational.

2. Give yourself plenty of time — lots of people leave it to the last minute, and for some it works! But the advice would be to set aside some time a few weeks before the wedding to get started as writing your vows can take longer than you'd expect. The week of, and day before your wedding can sometimes be really stressful, and writing a declaration of love for your partner isn't something you want to do under pressure.

3. Start with a brainstorm — there's nothing more intimidating than a blank piece of paper! So it's important to get something down on the page immediately, even if it's as simple as, "(Name), I love you with all my heart," will help the words start to flow. Then you can brainstorm a few words and phrases about your partner which you can start forming into sentences and paragraphs later.

4. Make it personal — focus on the things that make your relationship uniquely yours. This could be something as simple as gardening or dancing, and how it brought you together, especially if it still does. A shared interest can signify a similar set of values that will always allow you to find your way back to each other, whatever may come your way.

Use these handy vow-writing prompts:

• What did you think when you first met your partner?
• When did you know you were in love with your partner?
• When did you know you wanted to marry your partner?
• How has your partner changed your life?
• What are your favourite things about your partner?
• What do you hope for your future?
• What does your marriage mean to you?
• What do you hope to do for your partner?
• How do you see your relationship evolving?
• How does your partner make you feel?
• What has your partner taught you?

5. Embrace your differences — it's not just the similarities that make two people highly compatible, it's also their differences. Acknowledging this is a lovely way to remind your partner of why you work so well together.

6. Use language you're comfortable with — when expressing our feelings, many of us try to use the most flamboyant wording possible, but this can often just distract from the message. When you use your own words and words that you and your partner often use together, it feels more authentic, and will probably flow more naturally when spoken aloud.

7. Keep it short — in theory, you should be able to let your vows run for as long as you wish, but in practice, you, your partner, and guests might find really long vows challenging. You shouldn't feel like there's an Oscar-style flashing light that reads, 'Please wrap up,' but most couples find 30 seconds to three minutes to be the sweet spot for wedding vows.

8. Don't throw away good material — if you need to edit your vows down for the ceremony, be sure to keep the full version somewhere safe — it would be a lovely first anniversary gift. Alternatively, you could take the extra lines that didn't make your vows and put them in your speech or in a card for your partner to read on the morning of the wedding.

9. Write them down — messing about with your phone during the ceremony isn't ideal. It's best to write your vows down on paper and do it well in advance.

10. Do a rehearsal — this will help you figure out if your vows feel too long, if some of the sentences contain unintentional tongue twisters, if you're not happy with the tone, etc. You can do it in front of the mirror, or in front of a friend you trust (or your celebrant!)

11. Leave room for pauses — while rehearsing, it's a good idea to make a few marks on the page to remind yourself to pause when you read your vows aloud. It's all too easy to rush through the words if you're feeling nervous, which might mean your partner or guests miss them.

12. Make promises to your partner (optional!) — they're called vows because traditionally, couples used them to make promises to each other, but, of course, whether you include direct vows is entirely up to you. These kinds of promises can be a good way to add personality, and they can add a touch of informality too, if that's what you're after.

Here are a few prompts to get your creative juices flowing:

• I vow to limit my shoe collection to 40 pairs.
• I promise to watch terrible rom coms with you.
• I promise to compliment your baking, even when your cakes are raw on the inside.
• I promise to always give you the last drop of wine in the bottle.
• I vow to tell you when there's something stuck in your teeth.
• I promise to drop everything when you ask me to dance.

13. Incorporate another language (optional!) — if you, your partner or your families speak another language, translating your vows into that language (either in the moment, or in the ceremony), or including a few words from that language when reading your vows aloud, would be a lovely touch.

14. Remember to breathe! Just go with the flow and let the words pour out. Remember to take a breath just before you begin reciting your vows — you can ask a wedding party member to remind you to do this in the moment.

If you would like an independent wedding celebrant to craft and deliver your personalised ceremony please do get in touch with me.